


astriction

by JaguarCello



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: F/M, First Kiss, Hogwarts Seventh Year, M/M, Marauders, Wizarding Politics, first wizarding war, losers - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-03-30
Updated: 2014-03-30
Packaged: 2018-01-17 14:55:58
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,683
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1391851
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/JaguarCello/pseuds/JaguarCello
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>It'd be nice if Sirius Black could forget about everything for one night. </p><p>Remus is in much more of a contemplative mood. James and Lily are fairly useless - but then, all's fair in love and war.</p>
            </blockquote>





	astriction

There was a shipwreck inside of him, or so it felt. Breathing too deeply would send the shattered planks into his lungs, to skewer him like an insect under a pin, and maybe he was a little drunk right now but that’s how he felt, when he looked at Remus Lupin in his patched-up jumper.

 James laughed at him when he mentioned this – the anchor buried in the pit of his stomach, the way he felt like drowning – because, so he said, “You’re far too melodramatic for your own good, Black.” Sirius had rolled his eyes, and the floor heaved, but he kept his balance by grabbing at James’s sleeve.

“I’m a Black,” he managed, shaking beer off his hand from where he’d knocked James’s cup across himself. “And you’re a _pussy_ ,” he said, gesturing towards Lily Evans with his chin. She was sitting with an empty wine glass in front of her, and as they watched she pointed her wand towards the record-player (stolen from Regulus’s room when his back was turned, several years ago), and turned it down a bit; Sirius pouted at her, but she raised an eyebrow, and he shuffled back down in his seat.

“You’re scared of her too,” James pointed out, and refilled his cup, and then ran a hand through his hair. “Getting a bit shaggy there, mate,” he said, and reached out to ruffle Sirius’s hair, long enough to tickle his ears and to spike up when he wanted to emulate Sid Vicious. “It’s punk to cut your hair, you know,” and Remus looked over at them, and smiled.

“Is this the great hair debate?” he asked, a little more loudly than usual. He leant forwards, as if to touch Sirius’s hair himself. Sirius sat up a little straighter – and he saw James smirking at him – but Remus let his hand drop to his side. “It is getting a bit ridiculous. There’s probably a spell – “

“Where’s Peter tonight?” Sirius cut in, draining his glass and slamming it down onto the table. “He loves it at mine – all that history of servitude to fawn over – “

“Don’t be a dickhead,” James said suddenly, but before Sirius could retort, the music switched off, and Lily Evans was standing next to them, swaying slightly, with her wand in her hand.

 James half-squeaked, but settled for a strangled noise, as if she were fond of twisting his balls in real life as well as just metaphorically. She ignored him – ruthlessly, efficiently – and turned straight to Sirius. “You _arse_ ,” she said, and Sirius swallowed. She had the same look of hard-eyed determination that she had had every time she beat the pair of them in Potions, and as when she had turned her back on Snape for the last time.

 “You,” she said to James, and then she kissed him before she could finish her sentence or he could stutter out some kind of response; he tangled his fingers in her long hair, and showed no sign of wanting to be anywhere else.

Sirius looked at the pair of them, and resisted the urge to laugh. As he refilled his drink – Firewhisky, because they weren’t children anymore and Voldemort was gathering forces, and he needed a drink – he refused steadfastly to look at Remus. Remus, in turn, examined the knots in the wood of the table very carefully, as if in tracing their lines he could pretend that the muffled sighs were not happening.

“Well,” Sirius began, bracingly, “I’m happy for them. I mean, it only took – what year did we start Hogwarts? 1970, wasn’t it? So, seven years then. I’ve heard that that’s a specially lucky number,” he rambled, trying to ignore the lust that was stalking through his veins, and Remus laughed dutifully. It wasn’t funny, but he laughed too.

 “We’re leaving in a few months,” Remus reminded him suddenly, and in the half-light from the candles his scars were brilliant white. “I thought I might teach,” he said quietly, as if they didn’t know he would want to do that, but Sirius nodded.

“You’d be good, I think,” he began, and then shifted along the bench until their knees were knocking together. “I know you would,” he added, and he smiled, sloppily.

Remus smiled back, thin-lipped and nervous. “Tell me a secret, Sirius,” he said, shifting on the bench and sending Sirius’s heart racing up and down his spine, clattering his bones, as their thighs brushed together. Sirius clenched his fingers, as if that could stop his treacherous heart, and shrugged.

“I don’t actually like black coffee, but I drink it to make myself look interesting?” he tried, taking another sip of his drink. “I smoke cigarettes in the hope that my parents will somehow find out, even though I’ve not spoken to them for two years? I have considered becoming a rent boy – “ and Remus poked him with a bony finger.

“Be serious,” he started to say, and then rested his head in his hands in resignation.

“Be serious, did you say? But I’m already Sirius!” he crowed, and almost fell off the bench. Remus grabbed his arm to pull him back up, but Sirius resisted until he was half-lying on the floor, legs hooked over the bench but arms above his head.

“You don’t get to make that joke any more, I thought we’d promised – and what the _hell_ are you eating? You’re an adult – “

“I’m an adult,” Sirius announced, waving his custard creams in the air, “and I can eat whatever I want, and – “ he raised his now-empty glass in the air, sending the dregs across his wrist – “and drink whatever I want, and fuck whomever I want to without people whinging about inheritance – “ and he froze, eyes wide and fixed on Remus.

“You can keep your secrets,” Remus began, “but I will listen to you, if you want to tell me about them.” He smiled, almost painfully, and steepled his fingers together. “We may even share some,” he muttered, and Sirius closed his eyes.

“I fuck boys as well as girls,” he said, still with his eyes squeezed shut. “And I don’t like Turkish Delight so please tell Peter to stop buying it for me, and I’m the one who leaves Marmite traces in the butter dish when we’re making toast. And I’m the one who told James it was you – I’ll buy you some new teatowels, I promise,” and he had brought his hands up to hide his face, and was mumbling into his fingers as if Remus wouldn’t hear them.

“I know,” Remus said, and Sirius peeked from between his fingers. “I’ve known since second year, when I accidentally found all those old top-shelf magazines, and they were all Quidditch players. Male ones,” he added, and Sirius nodded slowly. “It’s fine, Sirius,” Remus told him, pushing his glass away from him.

“I know it’s fine,” Sirius said, far too loudly – loud enough for half the bar (and therefore, half of Diagon Alley) to hear, and for James to turn back to them.

“You okay?” James said, trying and failing to hide his smirk, and his lipstick-smeared mouth. He looked between the two of them, and grinned properly. “If he starts talking about shipwrecks again,” he said, to a nonplussed Remus, “just like, counteract the metaphor. It’s the only way to shut him up when he admits that he actually liked that thing you two had last year– “

Lily pulled him back to her, and Sirius had never been more grateful. He looked at the posters on the wall – advertisements for rooms to rent, some pamphlet or other for a robes sale – and at the skirting board, and then the door – anywhere but Remus. As he was examining the table-leg, Remus reached over to hold his hand. Sirius blinked, and looked at him, and his eyes were dark and unreadable.

“There’s a war coming,” Remus said quietly, running his thumbnail across Sirius’s palm. “I didn’t want to talk politics, but – well. The Order – “ and he glanced over his shoulder, and then back to Sirius – “is getting decimated. Benjy Fenwick was _literally_ decimated. The werewolves are whispering, between the bone-crunching and orphan-eating –“

 “I _know_ all this, Remus, I listened to the same news report as you did, remember? We were in the Prefects’ Bathroom – “ but Remus shook his head.

“The giants are on the move, within the next few days. We don’t know enough about the Death Eaters to find them, but I’ll stake my life on the fact that Snape will be one of them, little shit,” and his voice was calm and cold and Sirius was terrified. He clutched at the table to stop himself from falling. 

“Cut my hair, will you?” he said quickly, and Remus looked at him.

“Is this really the time for – “

“I need to be able to see if there are to be death curses flying around. My – “ and he winced – “ _pedigree_ will not protect me from that. As a blood traitor and probably fairly sexual deviant, they’re bound to haul me off for torture. I can go away inside my head, though. Like I used to when my father shouted at me. I’m used to torture – “

 “Shut up,” Remus said, eyes angry. “You don’t get to romanticise this, Sirius. People will _die_ – “

 Sirius kissed him, as if he could stop the thought from forming in his mind, and then drew back. “I’m sorry,” he said, and ripped his hand free from Remus’s.

“I’m a werewolf, and you’re a blood traitor, and we’re both queer and, you know, supporting Dumbledore. We don’t stand a chance in this war, you and I,” Remus said, watching him carefully. He was looking thinner, Sirius decided.

“If you’re going to play the “last night on Earth” card, then that’s actually shitty. You can’t sit there and torture me with the fact that you’d only kiss me again if we were to die tomorrow,” Sirius told him, but he didn’t sound angry, and when Remus kissed him, he kissed back as if it could keep the wolves from tearing at the door.

 


End file.
